I wore my activity belt into the gym today and as I walked in I saw my ‘name’ up on the board in lights. Fame had arrived but in the most unexpected form. Of course I haven’t used my real name but have opted for an unrecognisable nickname. I say unrecognisable but your name only shows up when you enter the gym so it’s pretty obvious who is who!
From previous experience I knew to arrive at the spin studio in plenty of time. Apparently some of the regulars are quite particular about ‘their’ bikes and reserve them with their water bottles as soon as they can and then wander off out of the studio. It’s similar to how the Germans are renowned for reserving all the sunbeds on holiday. Now reserving a sunbed in a lovely picturesque postcard setting, I can understand. Reserving a sweaty stationary bike in a badly lit exercise studio? Please. Yes, please……do get a life you sad, sad people.
As the session started I felt different to how I normally feel. Usually the instructor will say ‘increase resistance’ and I’ll mutter ‘**** off’ under my breath and do nothing. Today, I could see my name on the screen and felt the need to push myself more, So in hindsight the belt is a pretty good idea. Instead of me muttering obscenities at the instructor I found myself urging myself on instead:
‘Come on only another 100 calories’,
‘You can do this you silly cow’.
I was quite motivated and kept up with the pace. Part of the way through it something odd happened as I felt I was having to stretch further for the handlebars. I looked down and noticed that the seat had loosened and my saddle was at the correct position for Mr Tickly rather than the Little Miss Midget that I am. Whilst still pedalling I had to adjust my seat back into position but didn’t quite do it right and had to cope with the incorrect position for the rest of the class. It must have looked like something out of a Mr Bean sketch.
The music in the class today was full of expletives, some of the lyrics went like this:
“Open that shit wide. Let me see how big your mouth is”. Of course I’d never heard it before and had to Google it. Calvin Harris……..apparently. Well, I wont be adding that to my amazon wish-list.
I burned over 500 calories in that class today, despite the dubious music. I was quite happy and walking back to the changing rooms when I noticed a lot of people waiting for Zumba. I had been meaning to try it for weeks so I thought why not. In total today I have done a spin session and a Zumba class. I’m definitely getting my moneys worth from the gym!
Zumba was fun but it was quite provocative in places. It was almost like I had entered the wrong session and at some point soon poles were going to appear and we were going to start the ‘real routine’. I had trouble keeping up but I wasn’t on my own everyone seemed to be in the same boat, which was reassuring. We must have all looked like the old people in the Specsavers advert who are expecting to play bingo but the instructor comes into the wrong room and tells them all to ‘shake what their momma gave them’!
As I heading to the showers there was a lady totally naked at the washbasins by the toilets. She was using the mirror to apply her makeup. A naked lady in the changing rooms is no big deal but she was not in the changing area, she was standing outside the toilet cubicles. It’s weird how different we all are, I would consider putting my pants on as being slightly more important than applying my mascara. I had to edge past her to dry my hands and hoped the hand dryer wasn’t too uncomfortable for her, but I suppose it is a hot day today maybe the hand dryer provided her with some relief. I am wondering now whether she had forgotten her towel and was hoping to get herself dry by purely relying on strangers to use the hand dryer beside her. Well, it’s a comfort to know that I have been of some use today, that’s my good deed for the day done! Let’s see what needy creatures I encounter tomorrow.